being an adult.

Can you believe that face turned 28 yesterday? Where have the years gone? In her book Bossypants, Tina Fey wrote in her introduction that she was still writing, "Tina Fey, grade 4, room 207" on all her checks. I laughed because I can relate. I wonder if we will ever truly grasp the essence of time.

During one of my reflective moods earlier, I realized that although 28 seems pretty meaningless in the milestone sense, I feel like my adulthood finally came this past year. I know I always complain about how "old" I'm getting, but I never really felt like an adult with adult responsibilities until recently. I don't know what triggered this epiphany, but I suppose it could include various events that have occurred: me getting laid off, finally putting community college days behind me, taking on more domestic responsibilities and developing a routine that I can only compare to my "very adult" parents. I don't know.

The only thing that I do know is that I worked really hard on myself last year. I bought a gym membership last March and have been going to the gym almost every day since. I have lost 30 pounds. I have a newfound appreciation of living an overall healthy lifestyle. I took advantage of getting laid off by investing that time back into myself by finishing up my last classes so I can finally transfer (by the way, did I tell you that I was accepted to CSUF? Still waiting to hear from UCI!). I began cooking more. I began to practice more positive thoughts and patience, which has softened my heart and soul more than you could ever know. 

Maybe it was the time I spent getting to know myself that has led me to finally embrace being an adult. Whatever it is, I'm glad that I am able to grow every year - still. Even though I think resolutions are silly, I think it is important to try and change ourselves for the better, no matter how big or small (um, like one of my goals was to "put my brush back in the basket after I brush my hair" to avoid the clutter that accumulates on my bathroom counter. but do you know how much this small goal has helped me with clutter overall?? tremendously.) I think that changes in the smallest things can have a great effect... like creating an adult.

motivation.

Today a lady came up to me during one of my gym classes and paid me a very nice compliment. She said that she had seen me at the gym for a while now and was impressed by my discipline and hard work. She also said that  it was inspiring to see just how much weight I've lost and that when she feels like not working out, she thinks of me and pushes herself to exercise.

I was so humbled by her words and she even laughed when she saw how caught off guard I was. She said, "It's nice to know that a stranger appreciates and recognizes all the hard work you've been doing, huh?"

Yes, it is.

will i am.

This past semester was officially the most difficult yet. Not only did I have to meet transfer deadlines, but I also came across one of the toughest teachers (don't believe me? Check out his rating: ratemyprofessors) in one of my most challenging courses: writing. Many of my friends find it surprising when I tell them how difficult writing is for me, but clearly there is a difference between writing in a journal and writing for academia. Friends - this may sound silly, but do you have any idea how sad I was to know that my straight A streak would be over? After receiving B's on my first two papers, my heart sunk. I felt very defeated. But still, I took every advantage I could to seek help from my professor, the writing center, and that writer of a boyfriend of mine. I spent many days in hiding, working my eyes and fingers to the core to give everything I had in the 20 page paper that was the final. When I turned it in last week, a feeling of relief overcame me and as the days went on, I became more accepting of that inevitable "B". I kept telling myself, "You can't win 'em all."

Last night came the moment of truth when I received an e-mail telling me that my grade had been posted. I took a deep breath, sat at my computer, and logged in... cautiously clicking my way through the site to check my grade. I could hardly believe it. In fact, I think I blinked a few times. But yes, there it was... an A in Writing 2. I could feel a smile slowly starting to form on my face. Finally, a feeling of joy and excitement came over me as I ran into z's arms. I looked up at his confused expression and couldn't help but smile bigger. I told him the good news. He smiled back, congratulated me, telling me he had faith the whole time. 

My streak continues on. It is an accomplishment that I am so proud of because it's a testament of my will. In one of my personal statements to the university, I talked about this (by the way, the UC rep who read a draft of my personal statements was so impressed that she asked if she could make copies of it as examples!). About my will power and how it has grown stronger since that day I quit smoking cigarettes. Since then, I have gone back to school and despite my past of  habitually dropping out, I've continued going while maintaining a 4.0 GPA. For the past 9 months, I have gone to the gym everyday (with a few exceptions) to better my health and managed to lose 25-30 pounds in the process. All the while, I am continuing to learn more about who I am and what I am capable of. Yes, it can get very frustrating along the way and there are times when I feel like taking the easier route, but reality hits me and I know that life has no shortcuts. I have come a long way and still have a ways to go... but 2011 has been a good year. If things work out accordingly [more on that later], I am hoping to have an even better new year. Please cross your fingers for me. 

to write or die.

against my better judgment, i enrolled in writing 2, which is, you know, what comes after writing 1. i took writing 1 back in 2003 and received a C. actually, i was surprised to see that i had received quite a few C's and even a couple of F's when i received my transcripts from both cypress and CSULB. i didn't recall being that bad of a student and even secretly praised myself thinking i had nothing but A's and B's. i guess you can say i was overconfident, if not delusional.

i considered retaking writing 1 but after consulting with a counselor who urged me to move on and not waste my time retaking a course i didn't do well in, i decided to take my chances. after we discussed the syllabus in my writing 2 class today, the teacher handed out a diagnostic test that will be used to evaluate our individual writing levels. a few things i noticed while i attempted this: i have a hard time transitioning, i write "however" way more than i should, and i probably should have retaken writing 1. as my luck should have it, it's too late for me to retake it now because the universities i will be applying to require that i have both writing 1 and writing 2 completed by the end of this semester.

with that said, you can expect that i'll be spending countless hours working on my writing skills. i'll be damned if i allow this class to mess up all that i've worked hard for up to this point. because i'm unemployed now, i have no excuse... so, here i go. wish me luck.

xo

4.0

the crazy thing is i had no motivation going into the final for this class. i received a "C" on the midterm and realized halfway through the summer session that i didn't even need the class to begin with. by then, it was already too late to drop out without getting the dreaded "W" on my transcript. i was pretty upset with myself for wasting such precious time, but whatever. i aced it and i now see it as another testimony of things happening for a reason. it's this kind of faith that i'll need for the upcoming year because believe or not folks, the time has come. i'll be applying for universities in November and this will officially be my last school year on a community campus. hallelujah.

banana ice cream.

this recipe is a perfect and healthy dessert to beat the summer heat. best of all, it is surprisingly easy to make! all you need are a couple of bananas and a blender or food processor and you're good to go. i couldn't help but add a scoop of peanut butter to my rendition. next time i'm going to experience with dark chocolate chips and almonds... mmm.

enjoy!

one down.

what a joyous occasion. i still can't believe that my good friends are now a married couple. i couldn't have seen this day just a year ago and now here we are. i'm starting to slowly accept what all this means: we're getting older.

i embrace the many more milestones that comes with age. cheers.