being my own bestfriend and my own worse enemy.

i believe the universe is working in my favor today. for this, i thank God.

in short, what potentially could have been my ass is now resolved with no harm, no foul. i feel so overcome with relief that i had to center myself, close my eyes, and say a quick prayer to my angels.

i also want to take a second to commend myself for remaining calm under such circumstances. usually i am in a state of panic and can't seem to stray from any and every negative thought imaginable; i allow it to consume me. i fret, have nightmares, and torture myself until all is said and done. i don't know why i do this, though i'm almost certain it may be a control issue, but surprisingly i managed to put those thoughts out of my head this time around. any time a negative thought would try to tip-toe it's way in, i would immediately shut the door and say, "we don't know what will happen so until then, stay away." and it worked!

i usually don't make resolutions because i am adamant about following through with my promises and i consider resolutions as personal promises to myself. with that said, i think i've found a resolution worth making and trying for my betterment. "trying" would be an understatement because i would seriously have to work on this. it would involve taking control of my mind, instead of allowing my mind to control me. it would simply mean that the door i had to keep shutting on my negative thoughts last night will eventually start to creek and it will be up to me to constantly keep up with its maintenance, repair it, and maybe even replace it if i have to because from now on, i want to let go of the things i can't control and just let it be. i will do what i can with the things i'm able to control and not stress myself out over the things i can't. i have to put my faith in the universe to run its course, even if it doesn't always work in my favor.

this brain training will be tough, i have no doubt... but it goes back to the whole "looking at the grand scheme of things". in the long run, i will be healthier and happier. isn't it funny that we have to train and to a certain extent, convince ourselves to be better to.... ourselves? and that in turn, how we treat ourselves ultimately reflects how we treat others? what an interesting cycle we live in.

i'm happy and somewhat nervous to go on this new venture with myself. it'll be interesting to test this out going into the weekend. are any of you following through with your resolutions? did you even make one?

xox

p.s. happy weekend!

p.p.s. i decided to read The Heart of a Woman by Maya Angelou. it's the 4th book of her series but i made the mistake of reading this sample before the others and of course, became hooked and bought it as soon as the sample ended.. love it so far.