seeking quietude..

i really struggled with my new years resolution this past weekend. i left work half an hour early on friday and was caught by my boss. i won't get into the details of how i was caught, but it really did put a damper on my weekend. i kept playing monday's confrontation in my head. it didn't help that z was out of town on business so i was left alone with my dreadful thoughts. there were times when i was able to push it out of my head, but it managed to creep through the crevices.

z gave me some great advice before he left: "just come to terms with it in your head and let it go." i tried and tried real hard to do this and even felt i was successful at certain points. for instance, i didn't lose sleep over it, which is a great feat because the minutes before bedtime is usually when my thoughts begin to overwhelm me. but there were moments when i caught myself picturing the disappointment on my boss's face, or even worst - getting fired. it was so stressful that i broke out. the feeling reminded me of when i used to get caught doing something wrong by my mom.

mind over matter. what a concept. the mind has so much power over the body that if it isn't controlled properly, it can do a lot of damage. i grew so frustrated with myself and my thoughts only to realize that i was fueling the fire. i kept myself busy by running errands, going to the gym, and trying out new recipes, and while it provided a temporary escape, i still had to face myself at the end of the day.

i'm finding that i need to really find that quiet corner in my head that i can go to when needed. have any of you tried meditation? i'm thinking of trying it because i need to dig deep. i mean real deep - in my head, my heart, my soul, myself. to be honest, it's something i should have done a long time ago.

xo.