new years - day 2

so today marks day 2 of not smoking cigarettes. i'm silently going insane. i often find myself in a daze, thinking of not thinking of cigarettes. or i've noticed that i try to play tricks on my own mind and try to outsmart myself. the guidebook for the nicotine gum i'm taking says urges usually last 2-3 minutes so not to worry. i think that's another trick i play with my head. i just realized today that the nicotine gum i'm taking expired in april of 2007. i'm going to costco after work to get another one.

the days seem longer when i don't smoke. i'm trying to be careful with the dazing because i've often caught myself doing some dumb shit by not paying attention to what i'm supposed to be doing. it amazes me that i've gone 2 days, but it scares me that i have the rest of my life to go. some people think it's funny how scared i am but god damn it, i am rehabilitating from a 10-year addiction! i also try to distract myself by doing something, ANYTHING to occupy my mind. really, it's all mental. i've also been munching on mad vegetables, trying not to be a statistic by gaining weight. this is so hard you guys, but i appreciate all the support some of you have given me. i wanted to do this on my own but the encouragement is a boost.. so, thanks.


i thought since i made a resolution this year, why not go all out and just make other resolutions. because hell, if i can quit smoking, i feel like i can do just about anything.


hopefully i can commit to all these. i plan to. proving to myself that i'm stronger than i think i am is something worth achieving. i want to focus more on myself this year. as selfish as that sounds, i don't do it enough.. and it's prevented me from doing a lot of things and from being happy. 2008 for happiness and big changes. cheers.