spending time fighting time.

my birthday is around the corner and i can't believe i'll be 27. the number seems so big that i'm worried i won't be able to carry it around for a year. the rapid pace of time never ceases to amaze me and at the same time, terrify me. where did i imagine i'd be at the age of 27 ten years ago? surely i'd have a career by now and possibly married. did i even think of marriage? i knew i never wanted to have kids but did i really believe that?

studies have shown that people are starting to prolong life's defining events: careers, marriage, families, retirement, and even death comes to us much later now. even so, i can't help but sometimes feel i'm running behind on life. more often than not, i forget how old i actually am and when i remember, there's a tinge of panic. will i really be 30 and still not have my college degree? don't they say that having children past the age of 30 increases the health risks of newborns? won't it be embarrassing to intern with 23 year olds when i'm 33? these are the kind of thoughts and questions that occupy my mind when i realize that time has no mercy. it's not everyday or often, but they do come to mind, especially around my birthday when i reflect on years spent.

this year i wanted to spend quality time with those dearest to my heart. i'm excited for the small upcoming birthday celebrations - dinner and drinks with my girlfriends tomorrow, huntington library with z and a couple of friends next week, and an intimate dinner on my actual birthday. how truly blessed am i? when it comes to things like these, who wants argue with time? how can i be surrounded by so much love and joy only to dwell on times passing? the answer is i can't. and i shouldn't. and i won't.

i'm doing what i can with the time given to me. i am making memories and placing them carefully in my heart. i am loving and being love. i am taking down the rearview mirror and focusing on the road ahead. i am alive and living and learning. and really, that is all i can do.

happy early bday to me.

xoxox