an answer.

a longtime friend of ours is getting married this saturday and you may recall from a few posts back that we have another wedding to attend in october. it seems like everywhere around me, people are getting married and having kids - a definite sign that we've reached that age of starting families and opening new chapters.

lately i've been asked by friends and family when z and i will be tying the knot and starting a family of our own. every conversation i have with my mom always ends up with her asking me when she can expect a grandchild (she doesn't even ask about marriage anymore) and i always reassure her that she has 2 other daughters who will bear her grandchildren in due time. of course she doesn't count my sisters because they're way too young to even start having relationships, but i don't know what else to tell her. she had me at the young age of 18 and now that i'm approaching 28, she feels as though i'm "running out of time." it's not just her, either, because society tells us so all the time. they say that having a baby after the age of 30 will increase the health risks of both the mom and the baby and that it becomes more challenging to bear children after the age of 35.

well, times have certainly changed. i can't make it any clearer than i am in no position to have children at this time in my life. as you all know, i had a late start with school and will have an even later start in pursuing a lifelong career. not only that, but i can't justify raising a child in an apartment because it's such a temporary living situation (we won't even get another dog until we have a yard). on the other hand, it's so hard for our generation to save up to buy a house these days and that brings me to my other point: this recession. children are such a huge liability and i simply can't afford to raise one right now. am i being too logical about all this?

it's not to say that i don't feel the pressure because at times, i must admit i do, especially when there are friends around you taking that "next step." but at the end of the day, i can't help but think that i am making the right choice. as for marriage... i don't know how i feel about it. z and i have been together for close to 6 years and some can argue that it's like we're practically married anyway, but i've also heard that marriage does change couples, even when you've been cohabiting. i grew up with my mom hopping from one unstable marriage/relationship to another and feel that it might be a good indication as to why i'm skeptical about the concept of marriage, but even today i feel as though married couples don't take their vows seriously enough to stay with one another 'til death does them part - something i take to heart. i used to joke around when someone would ask me why i didn't want to get married by responding, "because i don't want to get a divorce." in part, it's true, but i think the other half of me is honestly content with the way my life is now. is that so bad? because i can't help but to think that society says i'm running out of time, that if i don't take that next step now, the opportunity will pass me by.

i don't know what to say to those people who feel that way because if there's anything i've learned in my life, it's that it is never too late. i live and stand by this statement everyday. i face it and embrace it because it's true. you can never let anyone tell you that your time has passed because the only one who can determine that is you. xoxo.