for this rainy spring morning.

One innocent spring
your voice meant to me
less than tires turning
on a distant street.

Your name, perhaps spoken,
led no chorus of
batons
unrehearsed
to crush against my empty chest.

That cool spring
was shortened by
your summer, bold, impatient
and all forgotten
except when silence
turns the key
into the midnight bedroom
and comes to sleep upon your
pillow.

-angelou

bittersweet haiku.

spring break ends today,

spring will arrive on sunday,

bittersweet it is.
--

stop to smell the flowers this weekend.

ooooxx

spending time fighting time.

my birthday is around the corner and i can't believe i'll be 27. the number seems so big that i'm worried i won't be able to carry it around for a year. the rapid pace of time never ceases to amaze me and at the same time, terrify me. where did i imagine i'd be at the age of 27 ten years ago? surely i'd have a career by now and possibly married. did i even think of marriage? i knew i never wanted to have kids but did i really believe that?

studies have shown that people are starting to prolong life's defining events: careers, marriage, families, retirement, and even death comes to us much later now. even so, i can't help but sometimes feel i'm running behind on life. more often than not, i forget how old i actually am and when i remember, there's a tinge of panic. will i really be 30 and still not have my college degree? don't they say that having children past the age of 30 increases the health risks of newborns? won't it be embarrassing to intern with 23 year olds when i'm 33? these are the kind of thoughts and questions that occupy my mind when i realize that time has no mercy. it's not everyday or often, but they do come to mind, especially around my birthday when i reflect on years spent.

this year i wanted to spend quality time with those dearest to my heart. i'm excited for the small upcoming birthday celebrations - dinner and drinks with my girlfriends tomorrow, huntington library with z and a couple of friends next week, and an intimate dinner on my actual birthday. how truly blessed am i? when it comes to things like these, who wants argue with time? how can i be surrounded by so much love and joy only to dwell on times passing? the answer is i can't. and i shouldn't. and i won't.

i'm doing what i can with the time given to me. i am making memories and placing them carefully in my heart. i am loving and being love. i am taking down the rearview mirror and focusing on the road ahead. i am alive and living and learning. and really, that is all i can do.

happy early bday to me.

xoxox

owl love you.

i don't know what triggered it but 3 or 4 months ago, i became absolutely obsessed with owls. between those big, mysterious unblinking eyes and their beautiful bellowing hoots, how could i not fall in love with them? so far i've bought a pretty owl necklace and 2 owl rings. etsy is a great place to find unique owl stuff. i hope to have a grand collection by the end of this year :)

in other news, it's friday! i went to the DMV earlier to renew my license... thank heavens i made an appointment because the line wrapped around the building. you should have seen the looks i was getting as i walked pass the line and up to the counter. i was scared that someone was going to jump me (it was that serious). even though i was in and out in record time, i wasn't too happy that they made me retake my picture. i'm not having the greatest of hair days and i'm wearing a flannel - hello? casual friday? regardless, it's one less thing to have to worry about.

wishing you guys a great, worry-free weekend. xo

p.s. if you haven't noticed, i gave the page a facelift. what do you think?

p.p.s. does anyone know how to remove the borders around pictures? (nevermind, i figured it out!)

being my own bestfriend and my own worse enemy.

i believe the universe is working in my favor today. for this, i thank God.

in short, what potentially could have been my ass is now resolved with no harm, no foul. i feel so overcome with relief that i had to center myself, close my eyes, and say a quick prayer to my angels.

i also want to take a second to commend myself for remaining calm under such circumstances. usually i am in a state of panic and can't seem to stray from any and every negative thought imaginable; i allow it to consume me. i fret, have nightmares, and torture myself until all is said and done. i don't know why i do this, though i'm almost certain it may be a control issue, but surprisingly i managed to put those thoughts out of my head this time around. any time a negative thought would try to tip-toe it's way in, i would immediately shut the door and say, "we don't know what will happen so until then, stay away." and it worked!

i usually don't make resolutions because i am adamant about following through with my promises and i consider resolutions as personal promises to myself. with that said, i think i've found a resolution worth making and trying for my betterment. "trying" would be an understatement because i would seriously have to work on this. it would involve taking control of my mind, instead of allowing my mind to control me. it would simply mean that the door i had to keep shutting on my negative thoughts last night will eventually start to creek and it will be up to me to constantly keep up with its maintenance, repair it, and maybe even replace it if i have to because from now on, i want to let go of the things i can't control and just let it be. i will do what i can with the things i'm able to control and not stress myself out over the things i can't. i have to put my faith in the universe to run its course, even if it doesn't always work in my favor.

this brain training will be tough, i have no doubt... but it goes back to the whole "looking at the grand scheme of things". in the long run, i will be healthier and happier. isn't it funny that we have to train and to a certain extent, convince ourselves to be better to.... ourselves? and that in turn, how we treat ourselves ultimately reflects how we treat others? what an interesting cycle we live in.

i'm happy and somewhat nervous to go on this new venture with myself. it'll be interesting to test this out going into the weekend. are any of you following through with your resolutions? did you even make one?

xox

p.s. happy weekend!

p.p.s. i decided to read The Heart of a Woman by Maya Angelou. it's the 4th book of her series but i made the mistake of reading this sample before the others and of course, became hooked and bought it as soon as the sample ended.. love it so far.

celebrating good times... while sneezing.

z's dad is coming down today to stay the weekend with us for john's 30th birthday tomorrow (z's brother) and z's birthday on monday. it goes without saying that it will be a very busy next couple of days but i'm looking forward to the celebrations.

we're joining friends for dinner and drinks in carlsbad tomorrow for john's milestone. we don't really have anything set for z's birthday, however we both have taken monday off from work to enjoy his special day. we'll have breakfast at mimi's (a birthday tradition) and the rest of the day is ours for the taking.. the possibilities are endless.

i don't know if it has to do with daylight savings but it felt like friday took forever to arrive. it's also been very windy here, the santa anas have kicked up and have triggered my allergies something vicious. ahhhh choo! damn it, just remembered that i didn't take my allergy pill this morning before i left. ahhh choo!

excuse me while i sneeze my ass off. hope the winds cease soon and hope you all enjoy a great weekend, xox.

irresistible.

thought i'd share some sunshine on an otherwise gloomy Friday. i have this picture saved as my desktop background and it brightens my work day instantly.

hope you all have wonderful things planned for the weekend, even if it involves just resting. xooxxo

3 cups of coffee and 1 cup of iced tea later...

these pictures were taken during susan's birthday celebration and it makes me happy when i look at them. we accused z of being a party pooper because he wouldn't wear his bib. he finally gave in, but not without mumbling, "it feels like i'm wearing a trash bag", to which susan and i started laughing hysterically. so, that's the story behind that.

and i could really use a good laugh right now. i'm drowning in files at work. help.

"slow down, everyone... frames can't catch you when you're moving like that."

happy friday, friends. just as i thought cooler Fall weather was headed our way, summer had to shine it's 90-something degrees heat on us. i should probably take it as an opportunity to fit in one last beach visit this weekend.

in spite of having 2 days off earlier this week, it's been busy, busy, busy. my new office mate starts her training today. it's always tough showing the new gal the ropes. the first couple of weeks are usually disastrous and though i don't mean to be mean, it's hard for me to stop in my tracks, turn to her, and explain what i'm doing without falling behind. i have a mean pace to keep up with.

with all that's been going on, i've been reflecting on the world of materialism and consumerism and how much i contribute to it. eventually, it would be nice to abandon this lifestyle and turn to living a much more modest, basic kind of life. there are so many studies out there that prove people are happier living this way - it would be foolish to deny myself of such a simple pleasure. realistically speaking, i don't see this happening until much, much later - after i've accomplished my goals and can truly give my heart and soul wholly to such a change. in the meantime, it dwells in the back of my mind and i think that's a good enough start for now.

happy friday again, hope you all enjoy a lovely weekend. xox

sigh.

it appears my fridays have been jinxed at the office lately. sadly that means i have nothing positive to say today other than i hope you all enjoy your weekend and that we're taking emi to another bully meet-up tomorrow.

sunshine and a park full of bullies. i'm sure my days will be brightened instantly.

xoxo

o' 3-day weekend, how i have been longing for your embrace.

it's no secret that z and i are in love with mexican food. a few fridays ago, we discovered Carmelita's in Rancho Santa Margarita, which is on the same lake i mentioned a few posts back, and may be our new friday dinner spot. pictured above is their Flautas de Pollo which was a first for me so i didn't know what to expect but it was good all the same. more than anything, i love the atmosphere - it's relaxing yet lively. the scenic view is definitely a plus. i'll be trying their chile verde this evening and the very thought of it has me salivating.

it's funny how we feel about fridays, isn't it? i picture people running out of their offices screaming "FREEEDOMMM!" at the top of their lungs while the men toss away their neckties and women let their hair loose. at least that's the case for most of us, especially since it's going to be a three day weekend! *dance*

i'm planning on visiting my family - i try to visit at least once a month but given my hectic schedule, even that is getting harder to do. aside from that, it looks like school will once again consume the rest of my weekend with little time in between for a bike ride, walks with emi, and quality time with z. but however little those moments are, they are the ones i've learned to fall in love with and cherish the most.

hope you all have a great 3-day weekend! share your plans if you have any :)

frazzled friday.

i always arrive on campus early. i end work at 5:30 and in all my 2 years at IVC, my classes have started at 7. usually when i get to school, i eat my dinner (likely a sandwich) and catch up on some reading or homework. last night i had to purchase a few supplies at the bookstore and pick up some handouts from the admissions office so i did that before heading to class.

when i got to class at 6:30, i opened the door only to find a room full of students with class in session. i figured it was the class before mine so i waited outside until they were done. as time progressed, i noticed that i was the only one waiting outside of the classroom and that no one made the mistake i did by trying to go inside. by 6:54 i started freaking out because no one was filing out and again -- why was i the only one out here?!

panicked, i cracked the door open again and whispered to a student sitting nearby, "hey, is this psych 2?", to which he responded with a nod. CRAP! apparently class started at 6.

just then, the professor called for a break and i immediately rushed in to speak to him. he handed me the syllabus and even though he reassured me that i didn't miss much that first hour, i felt so ruffled.

i hated that i wasn't there when he went over the syllabus because as i studied it while the other students went on break, i felt like i was looking at a syllabus for the first time in my life. it may seem silly but you have to understand that i am the type of student who is always the first to arrive, pick the first seat (that i keep for the remainder of the semester), and who is always, always prepared. with that said, you can imagine how unsettling it felt to show up an hour late, settle for a seat way off to the side where i can't see a damn thing on the projector screen, and not be prepared with pencil in hand, eagar to begin class.

also, it doesn't help that this is the most important class i've taken thus far. it's an upper division psych class that will require a new approach of learning that i'm not accustomed to. it's intimidating and with everything that went on last night, i felt so threatened. but i'm hoping for a better next week - when i'll be the first one there, stealing a seat in the front of the class where i always sit. i'll be prepared, bright eyed and bushy tailed. and hopefully things will feel normal. and hopefully i'll be able to overcome the challange of this class.

.. and maybe, i'll admit, i overreacted a little. =)

on a different note, it's friday and i hope you all have an amazing weekend, xxxxoo

something familiar.

korean food runs through my veins. if i don't have a dose of it every once in a while, i begin having withdrawals and it's not pretty.

last week i had a major craving for samgyupsal, which are slices of pork belly. there are many ways of eating this dish, but i like to have mine dipped in sesame oil with salt and pepper or ssamjang (a korean chili paste), then wrapped in a thin rice paper, or piece of lettuce accompanied by grilled kimchi and mushrooms. it is ultimate bliss.

since z isn't too fond of this cut of meat, i thought i'd take advantage of his absence by treating myself on friday night. jess and paul were kind enough to join me in what turned out to be a korean bbq fest. jess's mom is the kitchen manager so we were spoiled in true korean fashion - i think we had 4 people waiting and fussing over us and i nearly choked on a piece of meat when they brought out the nengmyun (cold noodle dish).. so much food! i had the biggest smile of satisfaction on my face when it was all over. it was nice to have something familiar and comforting.

(as you can tell by that last pic - i am a very messy eater)

friday night lights at the fair.

everything is deep fried, oversized, and downright exciting at the OC Fair. we usually go at least once every year and last night we went with our friends Jess and Paul. it was their first time so it was up to me and z to show them the ropes. we did everything there was to do at a fair, although none of us could gather up the courage to try the infamous deep fried dishes. instead we settled for sundaes and chocolate covered strawberries. Paul went for the ginormous turkey leg (pictured above) and the pleased look on his face told us that he definitely enjoyed it.

it's a costly night out but worth going to.. especially when your boyfriend wins you a cute little stuffed cow :)

sausage pasta

the full recipe can be found here. my changes included using fresh baby spinach, instead of frozen. i also added green pepper (you'll find i add green pepper to almost everything) and i mistakenly bought the pre-cooked italian sausage so i couldn't remove the sausage from its casing like the recipe calls for. i almost always use whole wheat pasta and this time was no exception. the only thing this picture doesn't have is the parmesean cheese that i sprinkled on it shortly after.

when paired with a nice glass of red wine, it makes for a simple, delicious dinner. bon appetit and happy Friday! hope you all have a fantastic weekend, xoxo.

another great friday.

we had dinner by the lake on friday. it was our first time there but we had heard about it from friends and have been meaning to check it out. truthfully, i don't know why it had taken us this long to drive the 7 miles to see what the fuss was about but alas, we finally did. it's a man-made lake but still pretty. sadly, we discovered a dead fish floating about. i tried not dwelling on it too much and instead, focused on the breathtaking sunset with z.

and it was just another great friday.

intimate fridays.

friday nights are usually considered mine and z's 'date nights'. we go out and take the time to unwind from a long work week and at the same time, celebrate the 2 days we get to spend in the world we've created together, away from the stresses of daily grind. sometimes, during the week, he'll ask, "wanna go on a date with me Friday night?" and i always respond with a smile.

most of the time we go out to dinner and talk about anything and everything over big beers. we laugh, we listen, and we dream out loud. we talk about plans for our restaurant that doesn't exist. what would we serve? breakfast burritos all day long. what else could we serve? our infamous tacos. free chips and salsa. z's the cook, i'm the waitress, and emi's the face. we build our menu and expand our ideas. it's a fun game.

after dinner we like to browse stores to continue our quest of dreaming about things we can't have. we also do it to walk off the beer and dinner. we go in together, but eventually go our separate ways as something catches my eye and another catches his. a few minutes pass and we find each other again, reveal our findings, and depending on how serious we are - hold on to them to purchase or put them back. z is a stickler for putting things back exactly where we found 'em, even if it means going alllllll the way across the store. then we leave and go home where we cuddle with emi and watch movies.

so simple yet so intimate. i love our fridays.