birthday shouts.

emi turns 2 today. to celebrate, i took her to the doggy bakery and picked up a few treats, along with a little birthday cake. we're waiting for z to come home before we light the candle and sing the official birthday song to her. yes, we are totally in love and we totally spoil her.

emi has taught me so much over the past year and a half. she's taught me what it means to love and to be loved unconditionally. she's taught me to be patient, not only with others, but with myself. she has shown me that animals have personalities and feelings, too, and for this reason, i should respect and show compassion for all living things. sometimes i envy how she can live so very much in the moment - not caring about the past or the future, but truly lives in the present... and this is something i am starting to slowly learn on my own.

having a pet isn't for everyone. it takes a lot of time, patience, and energy. it forces you to step outside of yourself for the sake of another well being. having a pet also requires you to take a look at yourself because sometimes, you'll realize certain things you never knew before and it could surprise you. i'd be lying if i said that emi hasn't done all those things for me and more..

i look forward to celebrating so many more of emi's birthdays. she is genuinely one of a kind and we couldn't have asked for a better addition to our little family. happy birthday, babes.. we are so happy you've come this far! xox.

the walk, the birthday, and the exhaustion.

the first picture was taken during the hike last weekend. i forgot i had taken pictures! and unfortunately we didn't make the hiking trip yesterday, which was somewhat of a relief because we had such a long day on saturday. the walk for MS had us up at 6am and out the door by 7. it turned out to be a great event! z and i were both a little surprised to see how many people brought their dogs. as you can imagine, emi was overly excited and we had to restrain her from running all over the place while at the same time looking enviously at the other people with calm and obedient dogs. on the other hand, emi is really mild mannered when it comes to confrontations - she never barks and just looks on in confusion when being barked at so at least we had that going for us.

she met another bully friend (pictured above) named Diesel. he had the biggest crush on emi and kept wanting to be next to her. she also met a pig named Hamlet (also pictured above) - how unusual and funny is it to find a pig at a Walk? needless to say, he received a lot of attention with people constantly wanting to take pictures with or of him and because emi was close by, she also received lots of attention.

we walked about 2 miles around the UC Irvine campus, which was a bonus for me because i'll be transferring there next year. i was impressed with the architecture of the buildings and the size of the campus. it made me even more excited about transferring. it also made me think about the future and what it has in store for me. i always go into a daze when i think about what's to come, so to actually be on the campus that i'll be frequenting in a couple of years put me deep into thought. i won't go into detail because it's too complicated and too personal to put into words, but let's just say that i believe i was meant to do that walk on saturday morning and i'm glad i did.

when we finally made it home, we crashed. all 3 of us took a long nap and it was emi who woke up first, begging to be let out because of all the water she consumed. it's a good thing she pestered us because we could have slept well into the night and that couldn't happen because we had a surprise birthday dinner to attend. if you haven't already guessed it, the last picture is of the birthday boy who will be turning 28 tomorrow. dennis has been a long time friend of ours and it was our great pleasure to see the look of defeat on his face when he saw what his girlfriend had been planning. it was a great celebration that turned into a roast since everyone just made fun of him the whole night (and actually, they always do), but it just goes to show what a great sense of humor he has and what a great friend he is.

as is always the case, the weekend was way too short but i guess that just means i had a great one. hope you did too.

xxxxxo.

birthday shouts.

it's my little sister's sweet 16 today and i never thought i'd see the day!

i took her to cheesecake factory to celebrate on saturday. i almost slapped somebody because of the disastrous customer service. amanda had to calm things down by explaining the situation to the hostess and manager while i stood there fuming and giving them dirty looks. it's kind of funny now that i think of it, but i was so impressed with amanda's maturity and her ability to diffuse the situation. it was at that moment i realized what a wonderful person she's growing up to be (and what a horrible role model i am, haha).

after dinner we walked around Anaheim Gardenwalk and enjoyed the art on the walls. we talked, we laughed, and i was reminded how lucky i am to watch her walk the path that has been made especially for her. it's funny because just the night before i had a dream about her as a baby. her cute little chubby cheeks and big eyes were so vivid that i could feel her baby face on my fingertips. in my dream she was the toddler i remember following me around and copying my every move. her big dark eyes looked up at me and i could feel her vulnerability... then the dream ended.

i can't explain how it feels to watch my sisters grow up - it's different from watching my friends grow older around me. when i think of their rapid growth my heart swells with pride, my eyes swell with tears, and my soul quietly sings a song of thanks to God for creating them. i pray that He will protect them when i can't and give them a happiness that only they can know. and today, i pray that my little sister will have the greatest 16th year of her precious life because she deserves all that and more.

xo.

once a baby sister, always a baby sister.

i gave alice a webcam for christmas and couldn't believe how much they've changed since my day. she showed me some of it's features yesterday and we had a fun photo session. as you can see, we all have the same chubby cheeks and cheesy smiles. i didn't really know what to do so i followed her lead since she's such a pro at it. throughout the day i caught myself staring a little too deeply at her wondering where the 14 year old was. i guess i needed something solid to convince my heart that she is in fact growing up. i don't think i'll ever be able to fully realize it.

(is this what it's like to be a parent? sheesh.)

ox.

birthday shouts.

i have a busy weekend ahead of me. z's dad is arriving tonight and will be staying with us until tomorrow, then we'll be joining him in carlsbad where z's brother and sister-in-law lives. in addition, i have some school work to do and a birthday to celebrate.. and whose birthday is it, you might ask? it's my baby sister's =)

her birthday is tomorrow and she's turning 14. i wrote in her birthday card last night, "i don't think you will know what it's like to watch someone grow from a baby in your arms to a teenager...." and i am so, so, so fortunate to bear witness of her transformation. 14.... 14. i constantly have to turn those numbers around in my head because i can't believe it. something in me keeps saying that i'm out of my mind and that she's actually turning 10. not 14. in my eyes, she's still the baby i used to sing to. she's still the little girl who needed me when she was scared, cried, and felt unsafe. it feels like just yesterday i used to feed her little spoonfuls of rice. but alas, those days are behind us and instead there is a young lady who is finding her own place in this uncertain world and although her smile and laugh will always remind me of the baby she once was, i am so joyful and blessed to watch her grow into an amazing lady.

happy birthday baby sis, i'm excited for what's ahead of you.

xoxo

let it snow.

here are more of the many, many pictures i had taken. photos seriously do not do the snow any justice - it's so majestic when you're in its presence. i used to be jealous of summer babies because unlike february, which its known for its rainy days, they have the ideal weather for beach parties, pool parties, or even a backyard bbq party. i always wanted to have a birthday party on the beach, celebrating around a bonfire and singing happy drunken tunes. but now that i've experienced a birthday in the snow, i've grown an appreciation for my winter birth. it brought back fond memories of my early childhood days in korea and of my grandmother who used to layer me in winter clothes until i could barely move my limbs. i'm looking forward to celebrating many more white birthdays.

xoxo

bday finale.

i am back from my winter wonderland of a birthday - 3 nights and 2.5 days of snow. the beauty!

the trip mostly consisted of snowboarding, eating, and sleeping - a schedule that i wasn't too crazy about but dealt with for the sake of enjoying the snow. if i may, can i insert a thing or two about snowboarding? i knew snowboarding would be weary on my body but had no idea the toll it would take. it didn't help that the people who joined me on the trip live and breathe the sport and thus, scheduled their days accordingly. however, for someone who hasn't the knack or the heart for it - it became incredibly frustrating. i took 3 lessons in total, the first of which z and i took together. as z advanced, i grew more irritated and impatient. z eventually asked in his own frustration, "so you're just going to give up??" i wanted to scream that this was not my idea of a great time and that i hadn't envisioned my trip up to the snowy mountains to be so demanding and that.. hello? i wasn't trying to be a professional snowboarder! i had intended on it being fun and enjoyable. as the days went on, i discovered people all around me who shared the same sentiment: frustrated parents scolding their crying children and boyfriends yelling at their annoyed girlfriends. eventually i was able to find the humor in it all.

the second day wasn't as bad as the first in that i left my group of friends after the lesson to do what i had gone to big bear to do: enjoy the snow the way i wanted to. i went up the lift a few times and eventually big snowflakes fell from the sky. i forgot to mention that when it started snowing the first day i was very excited and shared my excitement with my equally excited instructor. the second day it snowed, i was by myself so when i fell on my ass for the umpteenth time, i just laid there and caught those big snowflakes with my tongue. i wasn't pressured to get back up and i didn't have to worry about falling behind on my lesson. i just simply laid there and stared up at the sky and thought to myself: thank you God for this wonderful birthday gift. once, i turned to a person who fell beside me and with a big smile exclaimed, "it's snowing!" to which he responded with a neutral, "yeah" as he got up and made his way back down the slope.

i was hoping to explore other areas of big bear aside from the resort and the cabin but it never happened. we woke up early, went to the resorts, then came back to the cabin to sleep. i would have even liked to have spent more time at the cabin, snuggled up by the fireplace with hot cocoa and a good book. even though i managed to build my snowman on the last day, it was rushed and on our way out. wouldn't it have been a wonder to build many snowmen and make a thousand of snow angels and go sledding down a big white hill? these are all things i'll definitely have to make sure i do next time. in the meanwhile, my body is in serious need of healing and rest because it isn't 26 anymore.

happy birthday to me.

xoxox

birthdayed out pt. 4

yesterday the office threw a potluck luncheon for me accompanied by those beautiful flowers above and last night z went through the trouble of getting me cupcakes from frostings. i can honestly say that i am officially birthdayed out even though the real celebration is this weekend in Big Bear. we're leaving for the mountains thursday night and i feel like i have 20384234 things to do before then. even so, i'm still very much excited about catching snowflakes on my tongue. can you believe it'll be snowing? i've been keeping a close eye on the weather and almost squealed with delight when i saw it would be snowing this weekend. i kept checking everyday just to make sure and here we are... 2 days before we head out and the forecast still says there will be snowfall.

my birthday snow angels have heard me and i can't wait to make more of them this weekend.

oxo

move over, valentines. it's my birthday.

throughout my birthday years, people have always commented what a lucky girl i was for being a "valentines baby". my friends and family would tease my boyfriends-to-be and say how he would have his hands full. as a result, i vowed that i would never make my boyfriend celebrate valentines day and i've held true to my promise. to this day, z and i have not celebrated valentines day and for the past couple of years, z has begun to hate the "holiday" because he can never make reservations, or take me out because of all the lovebirds who are out to express their love for one night. (funny side note: z was actually conceived on valentines day! his birthday is exactly 9 months and 1 day after mine.)

i don't hate valentines day for reasons that people with holiday birthdays hate it because unlike their birthdays that get overlooked, i have experienced the contrary: people always remember my birthday b/c it's on valentines. instead, i hate it for reasons singles hate it. i hate it for reasons that people who can't afford buying flowers, chocolates, and teddy bears for their lovers hate it. i hate it for the same reason why people who love and give everyday to the people they love hate it. and in spite of valentines day being a great way to help this disastrous economy, i hate that companies out there are making massive amounts of money on a day that should be representing anything but that. i hate that at this very moment, someone out there is feeling miserably lonely and sad because they have no one to share their love with on this day.

maybe later on in my life the hatred i have for this hallmark holiday will go away, who knows?

but today, i am being so overwhelmed with love and not because it's valentines day, but because it's my birthday. the day i was born. people are loving me because i came into this world and they are happy to acknowledge that i am here: breathing and smiling and being me. that makes me happier than any box of chocolates can.

here i am, world. 27 years young. happy birthday to me.

xoxox

pt. 3

i had been meaning to visit the huntington library but never could find the time to make the 1.5 trip there. z had never gone and so i thought nothing would be grander than spending my birthday there and i was so right. the weather was warm, the flowers were in full bloom, and the beautiful colors vibrated as to wish me a happy birthday.

i invited my friend jess and her boyfriend, paul and they arrived bearing gifts! i am so in love with the owl "quirkeys" key covers and as jess pointed out, i can hand them out to my friends as well! she also gave me a super cute owl oven mit - i'm figuring at this rate, my owl collection will be complete in no time.

we ended the night in old town pasadena enjoying good food and drinks. my birthday isn't until tomorrow but the birthday love has been all around me. i love it.

xo.

owl love birthdays..

isn't this beyond adorable? susan has always had a creative way with cards. i have to say, this one may be my favorite.

thank you for everything, GA.

oxox

happy early bday to me pt. 2

this awesome garlic slash chocolate slash cinnamon slash cheese grate set came in the mail yesterday. i get so excited when i receive packages in the mail! when i saw that it was from sarah, my fingers couldn't wait to unwrap the gift. it took me a while to figure out what it was but when i did, i couldn't help but laugh to myself as i removed the contents from the box. what a genius idea! i can't wait to use it for salsas, guacamole, and dips. the beautiful ceramic plate is definitely a bonus. thank you sis!

i love birthdays :)

oxoxo

and so it begins.

wanna know what i did over the weekend?

i was spoiled to my core! z sent me off to get my hair done saturday morning and then i spent a wonderful evening with my korean beauties. together we relived our past, had drinks, and munched on delicious food. i smiled the whole way back from our rendezvous because i was reminded how blessed i am to have such great friends in my life. it was an intimate and beautiful way to start off my 27th year - i wouldn't have had it any other way.

thank you ladies,

xoxox

spending time fighting time.

my birthday is around the corner and i can't believe i'll be 27. the number seems so big that i'm worried i won't be able to carry it around for a year. the rapid pace of time never ceases to amaze me and at the same time, terrify me. where did i imagine i'd be at the age of 27 ten years ago? surely i'd have a career by now and possibly married. did i even think of marriage? i knew i never wanted to have kids but did i really believe that?

studies have shown that people are starting to prolong life's defining events: careers, marriage, families, retirement, and even death comes to us much later now. even so, i can't help but sometimes feel i'm running behind on life. more often than not, i forget how old i actually am and when i remember, there's a tinge of panic. will i really be 30 and still not have my college degree? don't they say that having children past the age of 30 increases the health risks of newborns? won't it be embarrassing to intern with 23 year olds when i'm 33? these are the kind of thoughts and questions that occupy my mind when i realize that time has no mercy. it's not everyday or often, but they do come to mind, especially around my birthday when i reflect on years spent.

this year i wanted to spend quality time with those dearest to my heart. i'm excited for the small upcoming birthday celebrations - dinner and drinks with my girlfriends tomorrow, huntington library with z and a couple of friends next week, and an intimate dinner on my actual birthday. how truly blessed am i? when it comes to things like these, who wants argue with time? how can i be surrounded by so much love and joy only to dwell on times passing? the answer is i can't. and i shouldn't. and i won't.

i'm doing what i can with the time given to me. i am making memories and placing them carefully in my heart. i am loving and being love. i am taking down the rearview mirror and focusing on the road ahead. i am alive and living and learning. and really, that is all i can do.

happy early bday to me.

xoxox

a pleasurable weekend.

it's been a while since i've been out with only a group of girls. celebrating anny's birthday saturday night was interesting to observe and partake in. keep in mind that all us girls are in relationships and in one case, engaged. anny was and is the only one who is still single and so it's no surprise that our boyfriends and fiances had to stay at home while we centered our love and attention around our birthday bachelorette.

by the end of the night, the girls were growing tired, whereas anny had just begun her partying. it was funny to watch and it was also a great night full of jazz, laughs, and reminiscing of older days.

doing absolutely nothing yesterday only stood as a reminder of how old i'm getting. i just needed a day to recover from a night of being out with friends. i didn't even have a hangover, i was just.... pooped. so what i did was watch movies in my pajamas all day. i finally got around to watching "Eat, Pray, Love" and get this - one of the characters is an Italian man who turns and accuses the main character, "Americans. you work too hard, you get burned out. you come home and spend the whole weekend in your pajamas in front of the T.V. but you don't know pleasure." i thought about it for a minute because here i was doing just that: in front of the T.V., in my pajamas. then i turned and looked out my window and saw the california sunset work miracles on the sky - the sight of it gave me pleasure. then i turned and saw z on the couch next to me and a snoring emi nestled between us and took pleasure being in their company. i felt the pleasure of the simplicity and beauty of what was around me, even if i was in my pajamas, in front of a T.V. pleasure, amongst many other things, is what you define it and i was able to define what it is to me.

i hope you were all able to define what it means to you over the weekend. xoxx

birthday shouts.

meet my quirky beautiful friend, anny, or as i call her, bananny. today is her birthday!

having mutual friend and acquaintances only meant it would be a matter of time before this chick and i became buds. she's simply one of a kind and the type of person you can't live without. we've shared laughs, drinks, stories, and most importantly - our hearts. i'm drawn by her energy and feel so blessed to call her my friend.

happy birthday, babe. can't wait to see your pretty smile tonight!

damper

classes are back in session. it was such a short break, i feel robbed. last week i kept thinking, "really? do i reallllly start school again so soon?" sigh.

on a brighter note, my birthday is a month away. the last couple of birthdays have been spent in the city that steals my heart everytime - San Francisco, but this year my heart is longing to make angels in the snow and where the heart will go, the body will follow. i'm very intent on seeing snow, even if i have to go alone. my boss has been nice enough to open her cozy cabin to us and i am beyond thankful. i can honestly say that i have not touched snow for nearly 10 years. i'm already thinking up names for my snow angels and snowman (for some reason, i really like Ted!). and emi! oh, emi... we're so excited to see your reaction to snow, we can't help but smile at the thought of you in your little snow jacket and the confused expression on your face when you see that your paws are sinking into the white fluff.

between school starting and this flu that i'm fighting, my spirits have been down, but thoughts of big bear bring light at the end of the tunnel.

wish me luck on my first week back to school. i have a feeling it's going to be a long, long week but i still can't help but ask, is it the weekend yet?

xoxox

birthday shouts

today is this handsome fella's birthday. what more can i say other than i am so happy to have this man in my life and am grateful to be celebrating yet another year of his presence. happy birthday honey, i hope all your birthday wishes come true. muahmuahmuah

celebrating good times... while sneezing.

z's dad is coming down today to stay the weekend with us for john's 30th birthday tomorrow (z's brother) and z's birthday on monday. it goes without saying that it will be a very busy next couple of days but i'm looking forward to the celebrations.

we're joining friends for dinner and drinks in carlsbad tomorrow for john's milestone. we don't really have anything set for z's birthday, however we both have taken monday off from work to enjoy his special day. we'll have breakfast at mimi's (a birthday tradition) and the rest of the day is ours for the taking.. the possibilities are endless.

i don't know if it has to do with daylight savings but it felt like friday took forever to arrive. it's also been very windy here, the santa anas have kicked up and have triggered my allergies something vicious. ahhhh choo! damn it, just remembered that i didn't take my allergy pill this morning before i left. ahhh choo!

excuse me while i sneeze my ass off. hope the winds cease soon and hope you all enjoy a great weekend, xox.

a nice, long sunday post.

the weekend's events started with this night - celebrating Ivy's 28th birthday (she's the beautiful girl with the cute lil hat to my right). i love having a reason to celebrate, especially birthdays. they never get old. i was debating the whole week whether or not i would go since it was on a Friday night and in downtown San Diego (quite the drive), but i guess deep down i knew i'd end up going and i'm glad i did.

i went with z's brother and sister-in-law (the girl in the middle) and it was one of the first times we've actually hung out without z. it was fun, full of laughs and lots of alcohol. Ivy's brother ordered bottle service and the rest is history. to be honest, i hadn't anticipated drinking as much as i did but for some reason, i always had a drink in hand. with the drinking came dancing and with the dancing came more drinking, it was a never ending cycle.

while we're on the topic of dancing, i want to pause for a second to commend the women out there who are able to do this on a daily to weekly basis while wearing heels. man, my feet were aching so badly by the end of the night that i had to take my shoes off. on top of that, i woke up the next morning and almost fell to my knees when i got out of bed because my feet couldn't support me. even today i'm experiencing difficulty with wiggling my toes. it's funny the things women go through to look good, isn't it? z's sister-in-law also suffered the same fate and ended up removing her heels and we both couldn't help but think how easy men have it sometimes. do you hear that, men?! easy, easy, easy!

it was weird driving back home by myself since it's usually z who's driving and me passed out on the passenger side (i know, i'm a bad passenger). i'm ashamed to say this but i almost fell asleep behind the wheel a few times. it was the first time i experienced it and it was scary. i've heard stories from friends and on the news about falling asleep behind the wheel and didn't know how that was possible until Friday night. i know i should have probably pulled over but the thought of my bed and emi being at home motivated me to keep going. i wasn't swerving in between lanes or anything drastic like that, but my speed kept altering and i felt strangely dazed. as a result i've made a vow to never, ever drive late at night, even if i think i can handle it because to be honest, i didn't feel sleepy until half an hour into the drive. it was a selfish and dangerous thing to do and i'm very regretful. this is my confession and my promise to never repeat it.

so, moving on...

the weekend continued with a visit from my friend jin yesterday. we stayed in, talked in our pj's and just vegged out. we discussed relationships, love and life (typical girl talk), ordered pizza, watched a few movies, and eventually fell asleep. it's always nice to simply enjoy another person's company and i can honestly say i enjoy hers. we meet only a few times a year but when we do, we always pick up right where we left off - don't you just love friendships like that? we had a good ol' relaxing time and boy, did i need it.

today will be dedicated to school work, as usual. i feel behind in my studies so i'm sadly eager to get started. i'm already 2 hours behind the time i set for myself to begin (can someone invent the ability to rewind time already?). i think it might be the rain that has me feeling lazy and unmotivated. it's been raining the whole weekend and even though i love it, i wish z was here to enjoy it with me. nothing compares to being in bed together while it's raining - something about it is just so comforting and secure, makes me never want to get up. instead, i woke up to a snoring emi at my bedside. she's been such a good girl despite my busy schedule that has led me to neglect her of the attention she's used to. i'm sure she can't wait for z to come back home too.

time is ticking and it's my cue to hit the books and type up double spaced papers. i hope i don't procrastinate too much today because i'm already stressed, even though i'm trying real hard to take it easy. hope you all are enjoying a lovely weekend indoors, or enjoying the rain outdoors. let's not think too much of the monday blues to come. xoxox